Circa: Early Spring 2010
If I have a tattoo…
“If I had a tattoo, what would it look like? Why is it necessary to be dark but painted with vibrant colors?”
Words I thought to myself as I stared at his skin and the marks throughout his body…
Physical appearance and image is one of the first senses to trigger a response to our brain. ”The way we look at ourselves plays an important role in how we see the world. The way we see the world plays an important role in how we see ourselves.”(1)
Always being an understanding person and sometimes too open and caring, my mom would warn me this multiple times throughout my life, especially, when it came to relationships beyond just friendship.
“Don’t Be[come] a Social Butterfly, ” [a saying] my Korean mother would repeat to me, her first and only child…
As I grew up raised by Baptist Christians, understanding Eastern Asian theologies, and walking with diverse perspectives of Christianity (including Judiasm, Catholism, Zorastrian, and Protestants), I was too understanding. I was forgiving others too easily as I tried to learn my mother’s saying.
Raised by conservative and from a Christian family (by to some perhaps a “partisan” viewpoint), I knew of not to get a tattoo- a permanent marking that would taint the imagery of innocence (or cleanliness)-something of which that reflect our human body when born unto this world and given with at birth.
Hence, [maybe] I was too caring and became too giving.
When I saw the dark artwork that would be permanently stained on his naked body till death doest (or do [us]) part… I understood and knew of pain and demons although I would and will never really know the story or purpose behind his scarring, his multiple tattoos.
"There are basically two sources for our behavior; those influenced by Situational (external) factors and those influenced by Dispositional (internal) factors." (1)
One thing I gained from his image or what I saw from the naked eye- a visual trigger which is one of the first five senses to relay messages to the brain- was a physical attraction of something drawing me towards to a thing eclectic, someone intriguing and a curiosity of an unknown… drawings which looked to tell a story- many dark metaphorical meanings to things, I thought. At that time, it only remained a mystery.
I reflected as I do often..
"As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives." (2) Henry David Thoreau
…and another year had started, and I could no longer live with just past memories and repeated long distance. I repeatedly try to convince myself although I knew my mind and the effect had already begun… Multiple lessons learned too young and the expression, “Life goes on, both good and bad.” This I knew to be- it is… it was.
So at that present moment, from one visual trigger led onto the next…an action, a saying, a movement- “Carpe Diem.” Words were spoken from an old friend. However, using strong words and being naive in my over-trusting manner, I took a breath and a small step backwards for a brief moment…
I persuaded myself to live in the present reflecting backwards to my memories only when necessary- only but when willing to [always] give a helping hand, support, and love…I cared-not only to living in the moment but also for others… I cared to living at the present and to helping others.
There are many thinkers or philosophers; I definitely don’t consider myself one or a person with an expertise in psychology, theology, or politics. However, I am a thinker, and I do understand like many others that we are all human…
What separates me from my declaration is due to the melting of politics. For example, my belief stands “in trust ‘with God’ [or Being],” with our four Founding Fathers of Our Country of all which shared a common concept: independence. To quote and not define these words that have been permanently engraved in “our” nation throughout “our” history and on our currency…
United States of America is one of the youngest westernized countries [ civilizations and settlements] and “blessed” throughout our history. To think that a young country could modernize a way of thinking, change a concept (an idealization), for example slavery- a concept that would divide within [a country] and create war…
And to use an example of a different person- one from respect which is gained from adopting a title as being “President”: An oath taken and sworn on their life based on the same concept of our Four Founding Fathers of Our America. One who would stand for the same cause and beliefs although his personal life reflected that he understood too much;
hence, a caring person who understood both perspectives [of slavery] and with a life of his own that would be shortened by an unexpected tragedy, I will quote one President.
To quote President Abraham Lincoln whom once said,
"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.” (3)
Words spoken from the “President” who fought against enslavement. Abraham Lincoln, a”President”- a name given with title and respect.
President Abraham Lincoln’s [life and] story would be shortened but to his friends of which he cared for [or was close with]…They would have the right to take on his name, and at least they [being the freed slaves] would have the right to share his story after his passing.
The word “tattoo”- a taboo, a scar, a stamp, and permanent markings in which today, society seems to share and pride on when in past history, it was a sign of ownership [as of a type of property].
To engrave and pride on these words: “My Country Tis of Thee….” Let Liberty Ring…
"My Country, ‘Tis of Thee", also known as "America", is an American patriotic song, whose lyrics were written by Samuel Francis Smith. The melody used is the same as that of the national anthem of the United Kingdom, “God Save the Queen”, arranged by Thomas Arne. (4)
…For the true men who sacrificed their lives to fight for our freedom and continue to fight today… I thank God for our country’s blessings as I try not to look in certain directions…with the straight-edge blade and swords
"According to the Oxford American Dictionary, resentment is defined as ‘bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly. The definition includes the fact that people can harbor resentments going back many years." (5)
A Lovely Pae Story
Part 1: “This is a dream…
He said, “This is a dream…
’Goodbye to a World…” said Porter Robinson.
“This is a dream…
Flashing back to a year before, I myself didn’t know what to say or how to think. Although lessons were learned years before in the past, the same lessons seemed to hide and come back to me.
[Were they haunting?]
Although, I did not do anything wrong at then or even during the years going all the way back before college, this is one of the saddest lessons I’ve learned:
The most painless heartbreak to both of us would be in the form of anger [for him] from which I knew as it was always was (and to be) hidden behind his own demons in his closet.
For me, it would be to bear the name [and a same] accusation- a Cheater… To which I knew- I never was or would ever from a reciprocated past that came thru multiple directions and suffering from same high school friendships and relationships I had in the past. And with it all came too many perspectives for just a college graduate.
An apology. The one word, “Sorry” was not just for him, but to myself. ”Sorry”- a song; a word most men seem to know as a difficult word to say…
This is the start of a dream, but a belief with a different meaning. - A story, nightmare, all fictional, all mine?
Yes. Of course, not- It’s not all mine, but it is true…For this story - a short story…
This is where we start and rather with “Hugs” we’ll end with
Kitty Pae (2009-2010)
A Lovely Pae Story (circa 2000s)
"Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it.
All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.
Fairies have to be one thing or the other, because being so small they unfortunately have room for one [feeling only] at a time.
Stars are beautiful, but they may not take an active part in anything; they must just look on for ever. It is a punishment put on them for something they did so long ago that no star now knows
[Hence] Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting ☆ never is an awfully long time.
“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever…
to be able to
J.M. Barrie & Peter Pan
Thoughts & prayers are with you and Robin Williams, their family and friends.
I hear children playin’, laughin’ so loud! I don’t think of your smile…
So if you’ll never come to me, you’ll stay a distant memory…
"As I sit and watch the snow fallin’ down, “‘I don’t miss you at all’"
by Norah Jones
"And Then I wonder who I am without the warm touch of your hand?
As I sit it and watch the snow falling down, I don’t miss you at all..”
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